mel

oh.my.god.

5 days

it kills me when people i care about are upset and i cant do anything for them. kills.

i never update anymore.
i have nothing to update on.

i work all of the time and dont really do much else.
i have made it a goal to travel more.
soo i went to chicago and st louis a little over a week ago.
it really was the best time i have had in a while.
i went up to hang out with alex and the rest of the boys.
they had two shows two nights in a row at the house of blues in chicago so i picked that time to go out with them so i could run and play in the city.
the trip was a blast.
i got to party a lot and make some really awesome new friends.
i really wish i could have stayed out longer. 4 days was not enough.

i get to go home for a week during christmas.
I CANT WAIT!
i havent been home in a YEAR.
ugh.
i havent seen my brother or grandmas in a year.
worst feeling ever.
i feel like i have just floated by this year.
it went faster than any other.

some life changes are in the air.
whether or not they happen is beyond me but i feel like they have opened my mind a bit.
got me thinking about my plans and goals.
and about what i truly want.

last night we took a spontaneous trip out to the beach.

it was really nice to see the stars so clearly again. shooting stars are pretty great too.

we went to prance around in the water and it turned out that the water was phosphorescent.
it literally will sparkle when you touch it. so the crashing waves all glimmer as they run up the beach. the sand sparkles when you walk on it. you can splash and kick water and its the most amazing sight.

i want to go back.. i felt like a kid again.

im so tired of holding on but im not sure how to let go.

i have been having crazy dreams lately. either that or not sleeping at all.

i always feel so out of the loop.


and right know i kind of feel like AHHHHHHHHHH.
in a bad way.

i have some SERIOUSLY talented friends.

check out maradona if you havent already.

myspace.com/maradona


they have a new song from their ep up for only today. its soo good. (but not my personal favorite.. so pick up their ep when they release it)

gah so much going on.
last weekend was amazing.
i jumped out of a plane 2 miles above ground.
it was the most incredible thing i have ever done.
we have a huge party afterwards complete with a 26 foot water slide.
we dont kid around.
today rachael and i are going down to st pete to do a wedding with daniel.
(daniel is on this season of shear genius!!! everyone watch him!!)
i fly home tomorrow to go to the beach with my family. LIZ IS COMING!
im beyond exciteddddd.
its been 6 months.

my heart is broken and everything in the world reminds me of it.
and im tried of being alone in this house.

my grandma is in the hospital.
last time a family member had surgery he died. awesome.
i think she is doing okay.
i will die if she isnt.

i love my job but it seems to be the only thing that makes me happy these days.
how fucking sad is that.

im going skydiving in a few weeks.
and then i go to chicago a few weeks after that.
and then we go to congress in september.
all of which are going to be amazing.
and all are with people from the salon.
surprise.

i want to go home.
i miss my mom.
so so much.

im going to bed.
all i want is to cuddle with my cats.

last night we did the second fashion show of the week.
last nights only took a few hours.
soo much better than the fashion inc one which took 12 hours of insane back to back work.
it was a lot of fun.
we ended up going to the winery afterwards with a bunch of people from work.
i love hanging out with my bosses when they are drunk.

oh, and im going skydiving on may 17th. SWEET! adam is making me.
im really excited.

life is good. im just kind of at a point where im feeling restless and lonely.
its the worst feeling in the world.

To dream that you are being chased by a dinosaur, indicates your fears of no longer being needed or useful. Alternatively, being chased by a dinosaur, may reflect old issues that are still coming back to haunt you

i had a dream that i dinosaur was trying to eat me and i had to keep running away and hiding from it.
and that is so true.


im stressed out beyond belief and i dont even have time to write about it.
gotta go to work.

i joined the gym and i love it!
i actually like working out now haha
on the 17th im being a model at a photo shoot for the salon.
the entire shoot is 60s inspired.
jenny is doing me as dita von teese.
aka pin up girl.
im pretty excited about it but i am going to the gym every day until then haha.
have to look good in my corset.

i just want the past 2 weeks to go away forever.

well great way to end a shitty week. NOT.
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
i dont even know what to do.
i got way to drunk last night. oops.
oh well.. i was having a bad night and i was upset. shoot me.
im done with boys. they are all stupid and useless.
seriously who was i kidding?
i have no roommates. aka im fucking BROKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i have no where to live come march and noone to live with.
im to poor to live by myself.
at least i have good friends and a great family.
and a good job.
KLSDAJFKLJSAKLFJASKLDFJKSLDJFAKL!!!!!!!!!!

everyone is being so weird this week.
im tired of it.
its not just me either.
everyone at the salon has been having a weird week.

i cant write in here anymore.
i have started writing entries like 5 times but i always delete them.
whatever.


update...

work is still good
im doing some editorial work next week.. that should be pretty cool
boys are weird so up and down.. im close to being over it.
i might buy a house this summer.. maybeee
im kind of screwed with living situations and roommates.
and thats about it.

( booooring )

i had an amazing christmas!
my family is so much fun. i could not have asked more.

but now im ready to get home and start working.
i miss all of my friends.. a lot more than i thought i would.

tomorrow im going to say bye to keyton :(
and then either go to sleep early and leave at 6 or just drive through the night.
most likely the first one.
it will be good to be home.
i hate being here and not being able to get things done at home.
and i miss my cats.
im sure they made a hugeeee mess.